Fed Proposes Rate Picnic in Lieu of Rate Hikes

picnic-table

picnic-table

As speculators concern increasingly rises amid rumors of a rate hike, Federal Reserve members met in Washington this morning to discuss an alternative “Rate Picnic”.

In congressional testimony Wednesday, Chair Janet Yellen said the Fed last explored the idea of a rate picnic during a weekend team building retreat in Shenandoah National Park, Virginia.

“After a long, trying hike up Hawksbill Mountain we’re about mid way up the mountain and stop at a scenic view.” Yellen says, “We’re it in, it’s beautiful. We’re thinking, boy, these hikes are tough but once you’re up here it’s looking pretty nice, heck it’ll probably look even better once we hike up to the summit. But we’re hungry. So hungry we’d eat poor people food like Applebee’s or Olive Garden. We’re thinking maybe we should cut back down the mountain. Then out of freaking nowhere Stan [Stanley Fischer, Vice Chairman of the Fed] pulls out a goddamn picnic basket and he’s got sandwiches and apples and shit. Whole fucking spread. So we’re like screw it things are pretty good let’s just eat this food awhile. So that’s what we’re thinking for the economy right now. Let’s just sit here and eat the current rate for a bit and then we’ll see if we’d rather keep hiking or if we should go home and take a nap.”

While the rate picnic might seem like a good idea to some, others, such as former chairmen Ben Bernanke, speculate that we may be seeing negative picnic rates coming in the near future, in which the fed charges banks a fee for complaining about the food.

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