We Tweeted 9 Pro Wrestlers About the Stock Market

Posted By: Allen Smock March 10, 2016

market-slam

At Up or What we feel everyone knows a bit about the stock market, not just fancy schmancy “analysts” and “market experts”. To prove this we Tweeted at 9 different professional wrestlers and asked them about the stock market, and while none of them responded to us we’d like to emphasize this doesn’t mean they don’t know anything about the stock market.

1. Shawn Michaels

We lobbed Shawn Michaels this easy question about wheat commodities. You might be thinking, there’s no way this a three-time WWF Champion, one-time World Heavyweight Champion knows anything about wheat commodities, he’s a wrestler! Well guess what, Shawn is also a wheat farmer! Just goes to show you can’t judge a book by its abs. He’s probably too busy thinking about how wheat is down $42.46 from last year to reply to our Tweet!

2. The Rock

Yes, the Rock didn’t smell what we were cooking when we asked him this question, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t know the answer. He very likely knows while he is very strong, closing corporate tax loopholes and raising the income tax on the billionaire class is the only thing can truly lift our economy out of financial disaster.

3. John Cena

His name is John Cena and too busy with some big, TBA news to tweet us back, but this doesn’t mean he doesn’t have the portfolio of a champion! This is a man who can pick the Big Show up at 500 pounds and give him an Attitude Adjustment, pretty sure he can pick a stock. 

4. Randy Orton

Okay, yes. It’s very likely Randy Orton didn’t respond to us because we were kind of dicks about his name. I’m just saying, I wouldn’t take financial advice from Randy Quaid, Randy Johnson, or Randy Newman either, and they’ve been rich much longer than Randy Orton. This being said, Randy has been on hiatus due to injury for a few months now, so he’s probably been spending a lot of time working with financial advisers trying to get his money right in case he can’t come back, and is probably more than capable of giving basic market advice.

5. Chris Jericho

At first glance this Tweet might seem too specific for the lay-prowrestler. However, given WWF/WWE’s longstanding relationship with Slim Jim, it’s very likely Jericho has some sort of knowledge of the company’s inner-workings and balance sheet. Chances are he can’t respond to us due to either inside trading laws or because it brings back  painful memories of Macho Man Randy Savage [ed. note: if alive we’d also be hesitant to take financial advice from this Randy].

6. Stone Cold Steve Austin

Really wish Steve got back with us because we’re positive he has a good handle on the stock market. With catchphrases like “That’s the bottom line, cuz Stone Cold says so” it’s obvious he knows his way around a balance sheet and management strategies. Please write us back, Steve! We want to be stunned by your advice!

 

7. The Big Show

The Big Show hasn’t Tweeted since February 29th, so we’re holding out hope he’ll respond to us once he’s back on. This is a man who has held 23 championships, pretty sure he knows a big show when he sees it. 

8. Dolph Ziggler

When Dolph didn’t respond to this we were a bit puzzled, because as a professional heel he seemed like someone who knew the ins and outs of beauty products, but then we saw his bio and realized he’s actually a comedian who just happens to have a day job pro wrestling to pay the bills. We know all too well comedians tend to have no idea how money works.

9. Triple H

Yet another case where a professional wrestler knows a little too much about the stock market and is afraid to respond and be accused of insider trading. Very smart, Triple H! We’ll take your silence as a 😉 and put all our money in Sony!